the fat girl looses something up her rear

The fat girl kicked butt at her kickboxing class!! Whew! Yeah, I DID!!

It totally rocked. What a great work out. I sweated. I was in pain. I smiled. I winced.

Oh, and something totally gross happened. So, if you don't find gross things funny, you ought to stop reading right now. I'm serious. Stop.

The kickboxing class is a great work out. You cannot help but really sweat. I was sweaty. Very sweaty. Sweating all over, in fact.

The perspiration worked itself into my underwear. And un-stuck my, er, pantie liner. With no place to go, the pantie liner hung out right on top of my undies... until I begin the front and back kicks. Then, to my extreme discomfort, it made its way to my butt crack! Yes, that's right. I had a pantie liner squeezed in between my butt cheeks. Quite uncomfortable.

Now, I had a few choices here. One, I could just go digging down my pants and pull it out [the usual pick-a-wedgie-move didn't work]. But then what would I do with it? Not to mention, watching someone dig around in their pants is a bit disturbing. I didn't want to do that to my new sweaty friends. Or TWO, I could excuse myself and go to the bathroom to take care of the problem. But I didn't want to do that and miss part of the class. Just for a lost and traveling pantie liner. My third option was to do my best to ignore the discomfort and press on.

I chose the last option. Yuck. Luckily the class was so difficult, it wasn't as hard as you would think to focus on the class and not the icky, stuck pantie liner. And, at some point it worked its way out. Somehow.

I hope you thought that was more funny than gross. I know I did. I totally thought of all you faithful readers during my pantie liner mayhem. I knew it would make a great post.

what does it take???

It amazes me to be so disgusted with my fat and yet to be so pathetic in my attempts to loose it. If I really and truly hated being fat as much as I say I do, wouldn't taking it off be my number one priority? [I mean after God, husband, and kids... so my number four priority??]

How can I hate something so deeply and yet not really be committed to doing anything about it?

But I am committed to doing something about it. Darn it. I am exercising dad-gum four to six times a week!! [you can see I have a real bad potty-mouth...] Doesn't that count for something?? Apparently not! Because, here I am, over six weeks into "the challenge" and only down 7 pounds! ARGH!! Darn it! Dad-gum! FIDDLESTICKS!!

Sigh. Yeah. Yeah. I know the drill. "Just keep it up." I know the positives... Here, let me recite them for you:

• my body is healthier even if it's not much smaller
• my body is re-shaping itself, although it's still very fat
• I have built muscle
• I have made a habit of exercising
• yadda, yadda, yadda

I am tired of being fat! What does it take around here to motivate a fat girl to take drastic measures to achieve weight loss??

Last night, I actually discussed some sort of surgery to get me some help in this area. I have never seriously considered this option. I have heard the failure rate for weight loss surgery is quite high. But, then again, ya know, only about 98% people who loose weight following a diet gain it back. Talk about a high failure rate!!

Argh. That's my crap unload for ya. Hope it didn't bring you down.

finally hearing and trying to regain momentum

Last week was hard. I felt in the dark. Like the world was whirling around me and I could faintly hear the Lord calling my name.

Even when I couldn't feel the Lord, I could hear him. Was I stopping to listen? No. You see, I was much too busy for that. And so I plodded along, weary and tired and overwhelmed.

I am stopping now. Stopping to listen. I am nothing apart from my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I know, it sounds so cliche and cheesy, but it is truth. We are created to be in relationship with God. When we are not in that relationship or our relationship is weakened, we just don't "feel" right.

Eating.... eating could be better. My "free day" last week turned into a free week. Sigh. Huge sigh. Oh well. I still worked out at the YMCA, but I'm pretty sure I didn't loose any of this blasted weight. I didn't even have the heart to weigh in on Monday. I didn't want to see what I already knew.

Trying to get back on the momentum train of healthy living this week. I'm by-passing junk food and reaching for the good-for-me-food. Lord, give me strength!