the biting truth


Friday, January 30, 2009

flabby friday

Join Christa @ Quintooples for encouragement in the quest to be fit

OK. Here's my confession for Flabby Friday. Thanks for the great idea, Christa, mommy of quintooples.

I have come to the sad and depressing realization that I am mourning the loss of food. Food has become my companion. My friend. Denying the relationship is part of my problem. I am coming out of the closet; I love food. Well, it is really a love/hate relationship. But, I do feel a loss when I consider never turning to food again for comfort. Food has been "good" to me. It has brought me comfort. It has made me feel happy. We have celebrated many things together.

Food and I are breaking up. Oh, we'll still see each other at mealtimes or when I am hungry. But, I will not be turning to the big F for fun and comfort anymore. Sigh. The relationship is over and I am sad.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

show some love to one of us

Hey I found another one like me. Her name is Alica and she is on a roll. Setting out to finally conquer the weight thing, she is blogging about her journey. Online. For all the world to see. She is even blogging about everything she eats day to day. I get this girl. I think it is inspiring to see someone trying so hard.

Let's show her some love. Go encourage her and love on one of us.

she is so fat

Are you freaking kidding me?? Jessica Simpson is "fat"? Since when does weighing a whopping 135 pounds make a girl overweight?? PLEASE!

Thanks Insider for telling us what really matters in America. Unfortunately, I was coerced into watching this gossip show last night and was aghast to see them "reporting" on Simpson's reported "new look". Yes, the girl looked bad in her high-waisted jeans. OK. Bad call on her wardrobe. But, the curvy look? A big butt. A few small rolls. Come on. She finally looks like the rest of us! Well, actually, she is still smaller than then the rest of us.

I can just imagine Simpson watching this gossip about her weight. How awful for her! It is embarrassing enough to have your weight fluctuate, but to have it then flaunted across the world?? ARGH! I hope she manages to ignore the stupid media. I hope she miraculously is able to just go about her life weighing whatever the heck she wants to weigh!!

Oh yeah. I would love to be as "fat" as Jessica Simpson. Sigh. That must be truly painful. To weigh 135 pounds.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

from the head to the heart

I think I am the most nutritionally educated fat girl out there. People make the mistake of assuming I am ignorant when it comes to calories and fat grams. Don't judge a book by its cover. Or a fat girl by her flab. I know what I should be eating. I just don't eat what I should be eating. You know?

I read labels. I try to eat high protein and high fiber products. When I buy groceries, I don't buy junk. Of course, if junk gets brought into my house from other sources... I am a weak woman. I consume the junk! But, back to labels. I read them. I know what makes a "healthy" meal. Believe it or not, our meals are healthy. They are not fried. There are vegetables on the plate. Lean meat. High fiber carbs. Yadda-yadda.

The problem is not knowledge. It is my heart. My heart longs for the taste of chocolate. I want it. I can tell myself all day long how bad it is for my body, and my heart still longs for it. How do I get the head knowledge down into my heart? How do I really have freedom from this addiction?

Monday, January 26, 2009

ouch. that hurt.

Children are so annoyingly observant and honest.

"Xuse me, Ms D..."


"um, you have a big butt!"

"Yep. I sure do."

That three year old was quite right. He is a nice three year old. I know he is not out to get me. I know that. He had no idea that his innocent (and accurate) comment brought stupid tears to my eyes.

Why do I care what a child thinks about my derriere? Plus, compared to his little bottom, everyone's butt is big, right?

And yet, I care. Sigh. I spent the rest of the evening worried that the other children were secretly whispering about my big butt. Snickering about how big Ms D is compared to the other grown ups.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

not me monday

Who doesn't want to really confess? Not me. Check it out at MckMama's blog for the Not Me Monday fun.


It was not me who baked a cake, frosted it and ate way too much of it. I would never sabotage my own dieting efforts. I am certainly not my own worst enemy.

It was not me who threw the bathroom scales under the bathroom sink so that I would not have to look at them. I am not afraid of knowing my weight. I am not in denial.

It was not me who tried on three different outfits today before church. I did not stare at the huge bulge I call my stomach as it protruded grotesquely from underneath my pretty sweater. I did not blurt out to the empty room, "that just doesn't look right." That body is so not me.

Sad, but true. Or not. Whatever.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

addicted to addictions

I am encouraged by my three followers. I really thought no one would care. I mean, aren't we all fighting the same things?

On that note: who doesn't have an addiction? I mean, let's get real here. We ALL are addicted to something. We all use something to cope. Smoking, drugs, drinking, sex, music, running, sleeping, television, etc. Whatever we do to make ourselves feel better. My problem is that MY addiction shows up on the outside. AND society does not accept fat people. Smokers? OH yeah, they're so cool. All the movie stars do it. Drunks? Parties? At least they all look good in the midst of their addictions. But, rest assured, I have no doubt that they hate their addiction the way I hate mine.

I do wish I was addicted to running as opposed to eating. At least I'd be skinny. Sigh. It truly is unfair.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

a fellow weight-loss artist

I have been perusing the blog world for other friendly bloggers. I found this site and it's my fav for today. This lady has lost lotsa weight and looks wonderful. What an encouragement for me. For us fat girls everywhere. Thanx Egg Face (aka Shelly)!!

i'll start tomorrow

This morning brings new resolutions. As usual.

I have started so many diets. I could not began to count them if I tried. When I was a chubby teenager, I used to lay in bed every night and promise myself I would "start" tomorrow. My fat sister and I promised each other. The morning would come and go. Sometimes we really did diet for a few weeks, or days. Usually we were "good" until dinnertime.

I am really good at starting a diet.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

stealing food

I have attempted three diets in the past month. I still weigh 266 pounds. Actually, I think I have gained about 3 pounds, when all is said and done.

I do "good" for like three days. Then, I loose it.

Today, I stole food from a friend's house. We are house sitting for her. I went to check on her cat. And I stole some Oreos. And MNMs. And fudge.

Then I came home and kicked myself the rest of the night for being such a pig. I am addicted to food. To eating. I am out of control.

Friday, January 16, 2009

the first entry

I am fat. I hate being fat. I really do. I love almost everything else about myself. But the flabby belly I see looking back at me in the mirror is not lovable.

This is my first post. I wanted to keep a blog where I can be honest without anyone knowing who the fat girl is that smiles and speaks. So, if you want to know who I am; look around. We are everywhere.

It is the beginning of the fat journey. Hopefully, we will reach the end of the road and wind up skinny when all is said and done. But, there's no telling. We'll see.