the biting truth


Wednesday, March 31, 2010

the fat girl goes to South Beach

Can I start again tomorrow?  Can I?  

Tomorrow is the first day of my new diet.  I am going to give the South Beach Diet a go.  I'll be in "Phase One" which is the strictest phase of the SB Diet.  I am only allowed to eat lean meat, legumes, low fat diary products and veggies.  Give or take a condiment or two, but that's about it until "Phase Two" when I will slowly re-introduce good carbs back into my diet. 

Following this diet guidelines is supposed to eliminate cravings for all the bad foods.  So, I'm hoping that holds true.

As usual, I'll keep ya posted.  

Monday, March 29, 2010

all out of self-control

I cannot quit eating.  I have gained five pounds in two weeks.  

I am eating chocolate covered oreos.  A real sin.  I have stuffed my face with bacon cheeseburgers, onion rings, sweet tea, fries, buffalo wings, pizza, chocolate cookies, peanut butter and jelly muffins, cheese doritos, cheese dip, cheetos, crackers, candy, oh, the list is awful!!

I am SOOOOOO  off the wagon.  BINGE!  FIVE DAYS OF BINGING!  

I have prayed.  I have cried.  I have promised myself I will stop.  

Yet, here I am.  Eight-thirty in the morning; eating oreos.  Chocolate-covered oreos.  

Friday, March 19, 2010

easily distracted

Today is a good day. Today, I feel on top of it. Of what, you ask? Of food addiction. Of overeating. My problem. Whatever you name it, it is what it is.

But what about tomorrow? What will that be like? I cannot promise you that tomorrow I won't binge on chocolate and chips and cheese. I might. It still calls my name. Heck, it yells my name. Screaming to me...

I'm not crazy.

Food is my drug of choice. Some people smoke. Some people drink. I eat.

Kim makes a good point here about keeping your eyes on Christ. Yeah, yeah, I know, must I bring religion into it? Well, yes, I must. You see, I'm working through a 12 step program [I'm serious about being free from food addiction!!] and I do admit there is a higher power.

Anyway. Keeping my eyes on Christ. When I start worrying too much about my problem, it gets worse. When I start focusing on eating the exactly correct kind of food, I want to eat it all. When I get tunnel vision about how fat I am and cry about being overweight, the emotions overwhelm me. BUT!!! When I "seek first the kingdom", suddenly it all seems lighter. The burden of food addiction eases.

Freedom from food addiction does not come from ME. It only comes from Christ. Thus, I fix my eyes on Him, the author and perfecter of my faith.

But, I'm so fat!! Waaaaaaa!!!!!

See how easy it is to be distracted!!

Focus on God! Focus on God!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

the fat girl decides thirty pounds ain't too shabby

I have lost thirty pounds so far. It's good. But, I'm still FAT.

Weightloss really is a moment by moment journey. I make atleast fifty decision a day that lead towards a weightloss at the end of the week. Or a weight gain. Pressure mounts when I stand in front of the fridge, making those decisions. Or at the fast food joint, staring at the menu options. Do I go healthy or unhealthy? Cheese or no cheese? Fries or skip 'em? Dessert or fruit?? Yadda yadda. Yidda yidda. And so it goes.

Loosing thirty pounds seems to validate that I might really succeed. This time. I definitely feel a weight loss momentum. There is a push of success behind me, barreling me ahead. Now, when I consider just giving up, the number thirty flashes in my brain like a night club's neon sign. I don't want to peddle backwards. Thirty pounds is nothing to sneeze at. Only sixty more pounds and I'll be out of the "morbidly obese" category. There's something to shoot for.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

the fat girls' clothes grow

It's been awhile since I posted. Sorry about that.

I have good news. I have lost a total of 30 pounds since joining WW. I went from 273 down to 243. It feels awesome to be in the 240s. I know many people think weighing 240 is horrendous, but to me, it feels great!

Clothes that I hoarded away for years are fitting me again. I pulled out a green skort, slid it on and, gasp! it was even a little bit loose.

My underwear is looser. I got some adorable undies for Christmas [weird, I know, but it IS what I asked Santa for...] and they are too big now. I still wear them, though. And I enjoy how loose they are on my smaller, but still big, butt.

My bra needs re-forming. Rather, my boobs do. But that requires a new bra to reform the boobs. It's like they've been deflated. Hubby doesn't mind though, so why should I?

The shirts and blouses I wore at 276 now look pretty nice on this 243 frame. They must have been really tight back in November.

It just feels good.