south beach diet and cupcakes

The South Beach Diet is going OK.  

I miss carbs.  

We wrap up Phase One tomorrow.  So I will begin to re-introduce healthy carbs then.  One carb a day, at first.  I have really missed oatmeal.  I'm an oatmeal kind of girl.  Yum.

But, the first Phase of South Beach hasn't been that bad.  Some days were really difficult and others were pretty breezy.  

The first week, I really fought it.  I complained.  I whined.  I held cupcakes in my hand, smelled them and wanted really, really, really badly to eat them.  But, I stuck with it.

My husband is also doing the diet with me.  He needs to loose about thirty pounds.  Well, 22 pounds now.  The cutie has lost eight pounds in the past two weeks.  

Sticking it out together has helped me tremendously.  If The Husband had not been doing the plan whole heartedly, I would have given up with the cupcakes.  

So, that's my report.  What do ya think?

the fat girl goes to South Beach

Can I start again tomorrow?  Can I?  

Tomorrow is the first day of my new diet.  I am going to give the South Beach Diet a go.  I'll be in "Phase One" which is the strictest phase of the SB Diet.  I am only allowed to eat lean meat, legumes, low fat diary products and veggies.  Give or take a condiment or two, but that's about it until "Phase Two" when I will slowly re-introduce good carbs back into my diet. 

Following this diet guidelines is supposed to eliminate cravings for all the bad foods.  So, I'm hoping that holds true.

As usual, I'll keep ya posted.  

all out of self-control

I cannot quit eating.  I have gained five pounds in two weeks.  

I am eating chocolate covered oreos.  A real sin.  I have stuffed my face with bacon cheeseburgers, onion rings, sweet tea, fries, buffalo wings, pizza, chocolate cookies, peanut butter and jelly muffins, cheese doritos, cheese dip, cheetos, crackers, candy, oh, the list is awful!!

I am SOOOOOO  off the wagon.  BINGE!  FIVE DAYS OF BINGING!  

I have prayed.  I have cried.  I have promised myself I will stop.  

Yet, here I am.  Eight-thirty in the morning; eating oreos.  Chocolate-covered oreos.  

easily distracted

Today is a good day. Today, I feel on top of it. Of what, you ask? Of food addiction. Of overeating. My problem. Whatever you name it, it is what it is.

But what about tomorrow? What will that be like? I cannot promise you that tomorrow I won't binge on chocolate and chips and cheese. I might. It still calls my name. Heck, it yells my name. Screaming to me...

I'm not crazy.

Food is my drug of choice. Some people smoke. Some people drink. I eat.

Kim makes a good point here about keeping your eyes on Christ. Yeah, yeah, I know, must I bring religion into it? Well, yes, I must. You see, I'm working through a 12 step program [I'm serious about being free from food addiction!!] and I do admit there is a higher power.

Anyway. Keeping my eyes on Christ. When I start worrying too much about my problem, it gets worse. When I start focusing on eating the exactly correct kind of food, I want to eat it all. When I get tunnel vision about how fat I am and cry about being overweight, the emotions overwhelm me. BUT!!! When I "seek first the kingdom", suddenly it all seems lighter. The burden of food addiction eases.

Freedom from food addiction does not come from ME. It only comes from Christ. Thus, I fix my eyes on Him, the author and perfecter of my faith.

But, I'm so fat!! Waaaaaaa!!!!!

See how easy it is to be distracted!!

Focus on God! Focus on God!

the fat girl decides thirty pounds ain't too shabby

I have lost thirty pounds so far. It's good. But, I'm still FAT.

Weightloss really is a moment by moment journey. I make atleast fifty decision a day that lead towards a weightloss at the end of the week. Or a weight gain. Pressure mounts when I stand in front of the fridge, making those decisions. Or at the fast food joint, staring at the menu options. Do I go healthy or unhealthy? Cheese or no cheese? Fries or skip 'em? Dessert or fruit?? Yadda yadda. Yidda yidda. And so it goes.

Loosing thirty pounds seems to validate that I might really succeed. This time. I definitely feel a weight loss momentum. There is a push of success behind me, barreling me ahead. Now, when I consider just giving up, the number thirty flashes in my brain like a night club's neon sign. I don't want to peddle backwards. Thirty pounds is nothing to sneeze at. Only sixty more pounds and I'll be out of the "morbidly obese" category. There's something to shoot for.

the fat girls' clothes grow

It's been awhile since I posted. Sorry about that.

I have good news. I have lost a total of 30 pounds since joining WW. I went from 273 down to 243. It feels awesome to be in the 240s. I know many people think weighing 240 is horrendous, but to me, it feels great!

Clothes that I hoarded away for years are fitting me again. I pulled out a green skort, slid it on and, gasp! it was even a little bit loose.

My underwear is looser. I got some adorable undies for Christmas [weird, I know, but it IS what I asked Santa for...] and they are too big now. I still wear them, though. And I enjoy how loose they are on my smaller, but still big, butt.

My bra needs re-forming. Rather, my boobs do. But that requires a new bra to reform the boobs. It's like they've been deflated. Hubby doesn't mind though, so why should I?

The shirts and blouses I wore at 276 now look pretty nice on this 243 frame. They must have been really tight back in November.

It just feels good.

Christmas with the Fat Girl

Wow. I really appreciated all of your comments, Ladies. [I assume you're all ladies, even the anonymous postings. I guess you could be men... but I doubt it.]

Here's what I think about WW. I think it is the most realistic weightloss approach out there. That said, I also believe that any diet will work if you follow the program. Ultimately it comes down to how many calories you consume verses how many calories you burn. Duh, right?

What I like about WW is that they don't teach a "diet" as much as they teach a lifestyle. The ugly truth is that we were not created to eat whatever the crap we want to eat and be skinny. Most skinny people watch what they eat. Many of those skinnies exercise religiously. Sad, but true, fellow fatties. We cannot sit around, eat chocolate and chips and cheese and expect our bodies to not get bigger and bigger.

Christmas came and went. I had planned to follow the healthy lifestyle plan all day. That lasted for about thirty minutes and two mini candy bars before I declared it a "free day". A day minus counting points and worrying about what was good for me and what wasn't good for me. I just wanted to enjoy Christmas. So, I did. But my stomach hurt all day long. Plus I had a raw ache of guilt in my gut all day. Really wonderful.

It comes down to this for me. I want to eat the crap. I want to eat chocolate. And, not just a little bit of it. Not just three points worth. No, no. I want to eat it ALL!! Give me a pound of chocolate covered peanuts and I'll down those suckers. That's my problem, Ladies. My Big, Fat Problem.

But now I've mumbled my way through another post. I promise some more fluent and understandable posts down the road. For now, my Internet is out and my thoughts are mushy.

Merry Christmas.

how about weight watchers

I'm watching The Biggest Looser. Final Four. I can only imagine how that show/program would change my life. There are some awesome things about that show, and some things I don't quite agree with. But, I'm not going to go there right now.

Body For Life is gone. Now, I am doing Weight Watchers. Again. Week Four this week. I've lost 8.2 pounds in three weeks. Tracking my points, etc. I am trying, once again to change my life. We are eating healthy and I am writing down everything.

I have not given up.

fat girl teeters

The fat girl has worked out three times this week. In a row. No slacking off. This week.

I have also followed the diet plan four days in a row. Six small meals a day. One carb. One protein. Vegetable twice a day. Simple. Right?

And, I feel good. But also teetery. [Is that a word?] I feel like I am on a pinnacle, balancing health and gluttony. I desperately hope health wins.

F.R.E.E.D.O.M. freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmm................. May this be MY day!

power of freedom

Freedom is.... not being able to do what you want to do, but rather to have the power to do what you need to do.


I am on a quest for freedom. I found it ironic, or perhaps providential] that Sunday's lesson at church was on Freedom. Actually, it was on Financial Freedom. But during the intro my pastor gave the above definition of freedom. The definition rang loudly in my desperate ears. FREEDOM.


Freedom is not being free to eat whatever food I want and still loose weight. Freedom is having the power to NOT eat those foods. Freedom is not sitting on the couch and expecting a fit figure. Freedom is having the power to get up off that darn couch and exercise. Freedom is not finding comfort in a bag of m'n'ms; freedom is having the power to find comfort in the One and Only True God, who calls himself the God of All Comfort.


I want this freedom. Not freedom to do what I want, but rather to have the power to do what dad-gum-needs-to-be-done! Where do I find that power? I do not believe it indwells inside me alone. The power to get things done comes from the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. [Acts 1:8]. God supplies the power I need to be free. Not free to do whatever I want. But, simply, freedom to do what needs to be done.


Lord, set me free!

the fat girls smiles until she cries

The fat girl smiles. And she does. At her skinny neighbor who works out religiously. She smiles at her slightly overweight husband who just announced he's lost five pounds on the same diet she's been blowing the past two weeks. The fat girl smiles at her fat sister who eats the Reese's Candy bar in front of her, knowing the fat girl is trying to avoid said candy bar. The fat girl smiles at the cashier at Chick-Fil-A as she buys things that are not on the diet. Oh yes, the fat girl smiles.

But I'm tired of smiling. I'm tired of being fat, but the effort to be skinny seems oh, so scary.

My husband and I have started a diet program called "Body for Life". It is a strict diet of carbs and protein every three hours combined with an exercise regime worthy of Biggest Looser. Husband is excited about it all and I am stumbling to keep up. Part of the problem for me is that we have only half way "started" the program. The first week we didn't have all the weights we needed so we skipped the bulk of those work outs. Week Two [this week], we ran out of time [and energy] to do all the work outs, so they've been dropped again. And, on my end, I have not followed the diet this week, either. Unfortunately, I am a "all or nothing" kind of girl. Muddling through the program half-way feels like I'm doing nothing.

I find I don't really want to do it. I don't want to eat the same food from the Approved Foods List every day, six times a day. Boring! I don't want to lift weights and do squats until it hurts to take a step. That is not fun!

But, on the other hand, it's not fun to be FAT!! Smile or no smile, being fat is awful!!

I guess I need to hate being fat more than hate the work and pain of dropping the fat.

Also, the whole thing seems so huge and overwhelming. At this point, I weigh in at a whopping 270 pounds. Gag. That is how much I weighed with my last pregnancy! It has been a year since I had that baby. I should have lost at least 50 pounds by now. Instead, I'm at the same weight. I have lost ten pounds about three times, only to gain it back each time. [So, guess, in a weird, twisted way, I've "lost" 30 pounds....]

I wish I could take a pill and make it all go away. Go away, go away! Like a mean little bully on the playground, the darn fat sticks around no matter how much I despise it.

Lord, save me from myself!

i am so flat

"You're flat," he told my sister.

"What?" she said.

"Flat.. Right here," my five-year-old son waved his hand over my sisters belly.

He was trying to use his new word, "fat".

You see, "fat" is a bad word around our house. Actually, it is simply a word we don't say. Unless we're talking to each other. Two fatties. Otherwise, the word is off limits. We don't say the caterpillar is fat. We don't say that man is fat. We just don't say "fat".

My son learned the word fat when my hubby slipped up [he is not really aware of our unspoken word. He's not fat.] and called the dog "fat". Son tried the word out with his aunt. [While, he was trying to use the new word. Flat versus fat.] She didn't like it.

So, Son and I had a talk about fat. About being fat. And saying fat. [Not flat.]

"See, Honey, Mom's fat." I confessed, ashamed.

He studied me. My rolly belly. My huge boobs. Yes, I was, undeniably fat.

"Why are you fat, Mommy?"

Time for raw honesty. I took a deep breath. "Because I eat too much and don't exercise enough." There, I said it. I felt so ashamed. Now, he knew.

"I'm not fat," he said.

"No, praise God, you're not."

"You wanna know why?"

"Pray tell, why?"

" 'Cause I go like this," he said and pumped his arms up and down in the air. "I go like this whenever I'm watching TV. I exercise!" Then he proceeded to exercise his way all around the kitchen and the dining room and the living room. Yes, I suppose, that is one wonderful reason why he is not fat. Like his mother.

So, now my oldest knows his mother is flat, er, fat.

what i mean... for now

I am back in the groove. I've been on vacation for several weeks. And when I say vacation, I mean I vacationed from everything. And when I say everything, I mean I quit eating healthy and ate whatever I wanted. And when I say whatever I wanted, I mean I ate the whole, frigging back of mini-snickers! And when I say the whole, frigging bag of snickers... well, that's exactly what I mean!

But! [And that's a big BUT!] I am DONE with that. [Well, for now. Being realistic about my record... only life will tell if I am truly done.. but I can say for now.]

I like to say I am doing "healthy living" right now. I don't want to pay WW $40 bucks a month when I already know all the things I need to do to loose weight. Yeah, yeah, just because I'm a fat girl doesn't mean I lack knowledge. It is not a matter of knowing; it's a matter of doing.

Me, the hubby and my sister are being accountable to each other and our commitment [for now] to healthy living. We drew up some weight loss charts and everything. Aren't we cool? I lost three pounds our first week. Not bad. Beats gaining.

Anyway, back to the groove of healthy living.

PS Thanks for the support guys. It really blesses me.

not me monday post

Well, it's been awhile... but what the heck, why not!!

It's not me Monday and here's what I have not done this week:

It was not me who has been sneaking candy bars from my mother-in-law's cabinet. I am a way better house guest than that.... It is not me who waits until everyone is in bed sleeping before creeping into the kitchen and helping myself to her goodies... Not me.

It is not me who is terrified of facing the music after vacation. Not me who is dreading stepping on those darn scales in a few weeks and seeing the harsh reality of sneaking candy and eating junk food.

It is not me who doesn't believe her husband when he whispers "you're so sexy" into my ear. I do not think "he's so lying" before sweetly saying, "thanks, babe". It is not me who pretends to be skinny when he kisses me. Not me. I am so in touch with reality.

give me that remote!

I find myself pausing on the fat battle. I took the remote and pressed pause.

Life is too busy right now; too complicated with many other issues that have pushed weight loss down on the priority list.

It feels good and bad to have paused weightloss. I feel relieved to not be worrying over it right now. But, I don't have the feeling of peace that "at least I'm doing something about this fat".

My plan is to go on full attack mode at the end of July. Life should be easing up a bit by then and I think I can bring weightloss up towards the top of my priority list again. My plan of attack is two fold. Weight Watchers for the food aspect and more YMCA challenges for the work out aspect. Good plan. We all know the hard part is not the plan. It is the work of putting the plan into motion.

We'll see. I'm keeping my fat fingers crossed.

tired

Is it too late to start over?

I bought "The Biggest Loser" book in hopes of it being my magic pill. We'll see. I'm also contemplating joining WW as a good boost into weightloss.

I'm tired. Tired of being fat. Fat and tired.

the see-saw

I loose five, gain two. Loose three, gain one. Gain one. What a ridiculous up and down.

But, I'm not quiting. I'm pressing on. Really, I am. I've lost nine pounds in ten weeks. Nothing dynamic, but not too terribly shabby either.

I'm going away for six weeks. My fat sister and I are competing to see who can loose more weight in the next six weeks. I hope I come in a close second with a weight loss of over six pounds. Then, we both win.

Note to self: freezing the cookie dough does not make it un-edible. Oops.

the fat girl looses something up her rear

The fat girl kicked butt at her kickboxing class!! Whew! Yeah, I DID!!

It totally rocked. What a great work out. I sweated. I was in pain. I smiled. I winced.

Oh, and something totally gross happened. So, if you don't find gross things funny, you ought to stop reading right now. I'm serious. Stop.

The kickboxing class is a great work out. You cannot help but really sweat. I was sweaty. Very sweaty. Sweating all over, in fact.

The perspiration worked itself into my underwear. And un-stuck my, er, pantie liner. With no place to go, the pantie liner hung out right on top of my undies... until I begin the front and back kicks. Then, to my extreme discomfort, it made its way to my butt crack! Yes, that's right. I had a pantie liner squeezed in between my butt cheeks. Quite uncomfortable.

Now, I had a few choices here. One, I could just go digging down my pants and pull it out [the usual pick-a-wedgie-move didn't work]. But then what would I do with it? Not to mention, watching someone dig around in their pants is a bit disturbing. I didn't want to do that to my new sweaty friends. Or TWO, I could excuse myself and go to the bathroom to take care of the problem. But I didn't want to do that and miss part of the class. Just for a lost and traveling pantie liner. My third option was to do my best to ignore the discomfort and press on.

I chose the last option. Yuck. Luckily the class was so difficult, it wasn't as hard as you would think to focus on the class and not the icky, stuck pantie liner. And, at some point it worked its way out. Somehow.

I hope you thought that was more funny than gross. I know I did. I totally thought of all you faithful readers during my pantie liner mayhem. I knew it would make a great post.

what does it take???

It amazes me to be so disgusted with my fat and yet to be so pathetic in my attempts to loose it. If I really and truly hated being fat as much as I say I do, wouldn't taking it off be my number one priority? [I mean after God, husband, and kids... so my number four priority??]

How can I hate something so deeply and yet not really be committed to doing anything about it?

But I am committed to doing something about it. Darn it. I am exercising dad-gum four to six times a week!! [you can see I have a real bad potty-mouth...] Doesn't that count for something?? Apparently not! Because, here I am, over six weeks into "the challenge" and only down 7 pounds! ARGH!! Darn it! Dad-gum! FIDDLESTICKS!!

Sigh. Yeah. Yeah. I know the drill. "Just keep it up." I know the positives... Here, let me recite them for you:

• my body is healthier even if it's not much smaller
• my body is re-shaping itself, although it's still very fat
• I have built muscle
• I have made a habit of exercising
• yadda, yadda, yadda

I am tired of being fat! What does it take around here to motivate a fat girl to take drastic measures to achieve weight loss??

Last night, I actually discussed some sort of surgery to get me some help in this area. I have never seriously considered this option. I have heard the failure rate for weight loss surgery is quite high. But, then again, ya know, only about 98% people who loose weight following a diet gain it back. Talk about a high failure rate!!

Argh. That's my crap unload for ya. Hope it didn't bring you down.

finally hearing and trying to regain momentum

Last week was hard. I felt in the dark. Like the world was whirling around me and I could faintly hear the Lord calling my name.

Even when I couldn't feel the Lord, I could hear him. Was I stopping to listen? No. You see, I was much too busy for that. And so I plodded along, weary and tired and overwhelmed.

I am stopping now. Stopping to listen. I am nothing apart from my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I know, it sounds so cliche and cheesy, but it is truth. We are created to be in relationship with God. When we are not in that relationship or our relationship is weakened, we just don't "feel" right.

Eating.... eating could be better. My "free day" last week turned into a free week. Sigh. Huge sigh. Oh well. I still worked out at the YMCA, but I'm pretty sure I didn't loose any of this blasted weight. I didn't even have the heart to weigh in on Monday. I didn't want to see what I already knew.

Trying to get back on the momentum train of healthy living this week. I'm by-passing junk food and reaching for the good-for-me-food. Lord, give me strength!