I ate the last of the chocolate-topped rice krispie treats. And when I say "the last", I mean the last TEN pieces. Ten big pieces. And the last of my favorite Hershey mini bars. The frosted cookies and frosted mini-cupcakes don't matter to me. Let them sit on my counter, for all I care. But, chocolate? If it's in my house and I know about it... it is a loosing battle. The addiction still holds me.
Going another direction tonight [away from the chocolate binge]... I have a friend who does not want to really be my friend anymore. She once told me I could trust her. That she would be loyal to me. Over a year later, she has withdrawn her hand of deep, loyal friendship and now extends to me a hand of acquaintance. Deep sighs expel my discouragement. I miss my friend. I am hurt that my friend no longer wants an intimate relationship with me. I hate it that I let her in.
She is a huge advocate of Thin Within [the non-diet diet I was promoting on my blog a few months ago]. I have decided TW is not the all-answer I thought it was and have moved onto another plan of attack against my weight issues. My friend has not. She thinks if she can just get into TW enough; if she can just really have faith in God; if she can just......... blah, blah, blah.
I feel like our friendship is contingent on TW. Like she doesn't want to be my friend unless I am doing that specific diet plan. Isn't that weird? Here's the thing: TW says it is the only right way to loose weight. That all other ways are not pleasing to God. Now, I bought that for awhile. [Oh, I can just hear you all gasping!! It does sound awful when I put it that way, but, truly, that's what it says!] So, my friend thinks I am sinning by eating healthy [she would call it dieting] and exercising to loose weight. TW says you should just pray and ask God to help you loose weight. Apparently, our friendship exists only when I am following TW. Messed up, isn't?
And so my heart is sad. Sad to loose a friend. Sad that I have to be around her when I feel so mixed up inside. Sad that I let her into my heart and now must shut the door to it. Sad. Yep, that's me.
Changes, Remembrance, and Resolutions - "*but those who hope in the Lord* *will renew their strength.* *They will soar on wings like eagles;* *they will run and not grow weary,* *they will walk and...
2 years ago