the biting truth


Sunday, April 12, 2009

chocolate does not heal the sadness

I ate the last of the chocolate-topped rice krispie treats. And when I say "the last", I mean the last TEN pieces. Ten big pieces. And the last of my favorite Hershey mini bars. The frosted cookies and frosted mini-cupcakes don't matter to me. Let them sit on my counter, for all I care. But, chocolate? If it's in my house and I know about it... it is a loosing battle. The addiction still holds me.

Going another direction tonight [away from the chocolate binge]... I have a friend who does not want to really be my friend anymore. She once told me I could trust her. That she would be loyal to me. Over a year later, she has withdrawn her hand of deep, loyal friendship and now extends to me a hand of acquaintance. Deep sighs expel my discouragement. I miss my friend. I am hurt that my friend no longer wants an intimate relationship with me. I hate it that I let her in.

She is a huge advocate of Thin Within [the non-diet diet I was promoting on my blog a few months ago]. I have decided TW is not the all-answer I thought it was and have moved onto another plan of attack against my weight issues. My friend has not. She thinks if she can just get into TW enough; if she can just really have faith in God; if she can just......... blah, blah, blah.

I feel like our friendship is contingent on TW. Like she doesn't want to be my friend unless I am doing that specific diet plan. Isn't that weird? Here's the thing: TW says it is the only right way to loose weight. That all other ways are not pleasing to God. Now, I bought that for awhile. [Oh, I can just hear you all gasping!! It does sound awful when I put it that way, but, truly, that's what it says!] So, my friend thinks I am sinning by eating healthy [she would call it dieting] and exercising to loose weight. TW says you should just pray and ask God to help you loose weight. Apparently, our friendship exists only when I am following TW. Messed up, isn't?

And so my heart is sad. Sad to loose a friend. Sad that I have to be around her when I feel so mixed up inside. Sad that I let her into my heart and now must shut the door to it. Sad. Yep, that's me.


Beth said...

I would want to ask her if she is doing what God would want her to do in ditching you as her friend. She sounds shallow, so in the long run, it may not end up being that great a loss to you. I'm sorry you're going through this. When you have beaten your demons (no pun intended) through prayer (if you adhere to that) AND eating well (which I believe can be a result of prayer and what God would want for you) and she is not doing the same and has no results for it, maybe she'll think differently.

the smiling fat girl said...

thank you, beth.

but that's the thing, she's not shallow. she's a deep, wonderful person. [one reason i enjoyed her friendship]

i do hope she ditches the TW program and moves onto something more realistic. because i love this girl! i want her to find freedom!!


Alicia said...

I too am sorry you are going through this with your friend. I firmly beleive you have to pray about it but if you take no positive steps towards your weightloss then you are not helping yourself either. God gives you ways you help yourself and in this case I think it is eating healthy and exercising. Not reading a book praying about it and waiting to see what happens. I pray to financial sound during these economic times but I dont sit on the couch waiting for it to happen. God has provided a job for me so I have to get off my butt and go work towards it. Remember He opens the door but YOU have to go through it!

♥ ya girl!

Aunt of 14 said...

There are times when you have to let certain people go. Once you let them go... whether they actually go or not is their choice and your answer. I read that somewhere, I think. I'm thinking that maybe SHE thinks you two have nothing in common now that you're not doing TW. Maybe if you point out other things that you DO have in common, she'll get a light bulb over her head?

Lynne said...

I would pray for her because I don't know whom is promoting such a program, but I don't recall it between the pages of Genesis and Revelation!

I do believe God wants us to be healthy and do right by ourselves, but I don't ever remember reading thou shalt not try other methods for good health and I've read the entire bible. Oh yes, I have, lol.

Anyway, she sounds a bit mixed up and I am sorry you've lost a friend over it. Hopefully, she'll come around soon. God Bless!

Sarah said...

Wow... that is so hard, but God teaches us not to judge, so clearly she has some work to do on that front! As long as you believe in yourself, and in what you're doing, you're doing the right thing and God knows it! Keep the faith!