the biting truth


Thursday, March 5, 2009

from fat generation to fat generation; but the fat stops here

My mother is fat. Hugely fat. I think she weighs around 350 pounds or so. Maybe more. While I take responsibility for the choices that brought me to my weight problem, I certainly learned my coping mechanisms honestly.

I have many memories of watching my mother turn to food for comfort. One time she came home upset. I do not know what it was that really brought on her emotional crisis, but I will never forget what she did. I saw her staring at the fridge. Heaping her plate full of food. Celery. Chips. She was crying. Her plate was two, three inches high. She lumbered out of the kitchen, tears streaming from her face, and sat on the couch. I watched her eat the plate full of food while she cried. This is my most vivid memory of my mother's food addiction.

Of my mother's children, three out of the five of us are fat. Ironically enough, it is the three daughters that are overweight, not the two skinny sons. Isn't that interesting..... And now I am a mother of daughters and sons. My heart aches with the heaviness of my desire to not leave them with the same legacy my mother has left to me.

I remember my first binge in front of my kids. Actually, the first time was in front of my oldest. He was just a baby. He laid in the floor while I ate cookie after chocolate chip cookie. He studied his mother while she stuffed her face. I remember thinking, "He won't remember this... I won't ever do this again; it's the last time."

Sigh. Oh, that's heavy to me. And a scripture now pops into my mind. "There is now NO CONDEMNATION to those who are in Christ Jesus." I take that truth into my heart now. Father, forgive me for setting a bad example to my children, thus far. Thank you for the freedom you hold out to me and are saturating my life with right now. Thank you that my children WILL BE FREE, in the name of Jesus. That this addictions stops HERE, with ME. It is not allowed to drift down the line from this point forward. In the name of the mighty Jesus Christ, AMEN.

Now go have a great, FREE day!


Alicia said...

I am praying for you! I love your truth to all of your posts. Through God you can do anything!

prettybyrdie said...

I totally get this. When we were growing up, even the DOG was overweight! I just found out that I'm expecting, and I don't want to sabotage the health of my child. The idea of being pregnant at my current weight is truly terrifying to me. I feel like I won't know how to comfort this baby in a healthy way, because in my family food was always how we comforted each other. At least now I am really motivated to eat healthy!

Tinika said...

Amen sister!

Serenity said...

I absolutely adore your blog... I look forward to reading a new post from you as soon as I know there is a new one posted. I would also be honored to "keep it real" and I thank you again for your sweet comments!