It is not true that my pants are looser. Not true that my bra fits better. Not true that my clothes are looking better on me. It has all been the effects of my great imagination and not my great weightloss.
Around 3am the toddler was up with her mommy, so I decided to go ahead and "weigh in". After all it was my self-imposed weigh-in date (March 1st), and three hours into the weigh-in date certainly counted as "the date". So, with the door closed, I dug out the scales from under the bathroom sink. Plopped them on the floor and stepped on the black judgement box. I wondered how much would I loose? Might I just stay the same? Well, that would be OK, too.
Since I can't see the scales while I'm standing on them due to my huge stomach and mega boobs, I just stared in the mirror while the scales judged me. After waiting the required 20 seconds [or so], I gingerly stepped off the scales. I about threw up then and there when I read the numbers 265. I weighed 257 on February 1st. I have gained seven pounds. GAINED.
Needless to say, I feel ..... lost today. I'm going to church feeling empty and full of anguish. Not just because of the weight gain, but because I do not like myself right now. And I am unsure as to where to go from here. Not that this is a different feeling for me; unfortunately, it is quite familiar.
"Hi YOU! How are you today?" they will ask me sweetly upon arriving at church.
Of course, I will smile fakely and reply, "Oh I'm FINE. Thanks. And you?"
And so the exchange will go. [Or, perhaps I should answer truthfully today. "I'm awful, thanks for asking. And how are you?????"]
Changes, Remembrance, and Resolutions - "*but those who hope in the Lord* *will renew their strength.* *They will soar on wings like eagles;* *they will run and not grow weary,* *they will walk and...
2 years ago